Every holiday it takes me a few days to actually realise that I’m on a break and this one has been no different. I suspect it comes from (a) having been self-employed (it was a town-centre pub!) was always “on duty” and then (b) when in the corporate world I never used my full holiday entitlement (I know it’s not big or clever but you do what needs to be done and it felt like the “right thing” to do at the time) in fact in the last year of my “proper job” I lost 17 days holiday because I never used them and so these enforced holidays are still quite a novelty to me. I am not complaining … it’s nice to have no washing or ironing, its heaven to be able to get into fresh clean sheets as often as I want (and not because I’ve just got the time to change the bed). My feet are loving turning into hobbit feet (again!) as they get used to being in flip-flops all the time. My allotment is slowly getting back under control and I’ve managed to pickle enough shallots to feed an army … I’m finally getting on top of my JustMaths inbox (I WILL get to the point where its empty! … 33 and counting … most of which require more than just a 2 min response .. if people take the time to email me with a query I want to give a considered response .. OCD of sorts!) and I have nearly finished working through the pile of paperwork that has been staring at me on my dining room table.

However the biggest thing I like about the holidays though is having “time”. Time to think and reflect on the past but also to formalise all the little “Golden Nuggets” of ideas to start to put them into action and oh boy 2015/16 is gonna be a blast!

This year has been the toughest of my teaching career. There … I’ve said it.

Actually that’s not quite right (oh my … here comes the Blogging Tourette’s!!) …. I have experienced some of the highest highs and lowest lows and sometimes these have been within minutes of each other. At times I have questioned my ability to teach and that I would never be able to get through to some (one!) of my classes but through it all we have worked our arses off and hopefully it will pay off. I have been touched that so many of you in the same situation were feeling the same … it’s like an unwritten thing in teaching that changing schools is tough. No-one talks about it – there are no books or self-help guides to read and guide you through … it’s almost as if no one wants to talk about it for fear of being considered a failure. In the past people have said to me about recently departed colleagues “oh so-and-so is hating their new job” but it was always said in such a way that I read into it that what they were really saying was “you don’t know how good you’ve got it here” and there was always an element of smugness about the way it was said rather than anything else. Well to those of you about to embark on a new chapter of your career let me say this loud

“IT IS NOT YOU … IT’S NORMAL TO FEEL THAT YOU ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE!”

It’s also not your new school that’s got it wrong … It’s just different and that takes time. I have to say that I have been lucky (not sure that he’d say the same thing though!) to have my partner in crime with me (Seager) and we have been on opposite ends of this see-saw throughout the year – between us we made 1 sane person most of the time.

Give it time and it will begin to feel normal. Every day look for your victories – no matter how small .. celebrate them and in time it will all come together. Enjoy the process if you can. It has been a humbling experience – it’s a bit like grieving (in a good way .. if there is a good way of grieving!?) in that there are stages you’ll go through: the first stage is not denial though – it’s acceptance. You will come to the conclusion that you have no track record (with other staff or the students) and when that happened to me it was humbling and on reflection it hasn’t been a bad thing. It has made me even more determined to prove what I am capable of.

Trust me when I say “you will come out the other side”. Just like grieving though, I know (oh god how I know!) that there is nothing that anyone says that will help at the time – when you’re in that situation you think that no-one could ever understand (if you ever want a rant – email me!) but there are and you need to look to your family and friends – find someone who is happy to just nod and agree rather than try to offer suggestions – you will already have thought through most of the ideas yourself … you just need to blow off steam and someone to be non-judgemental. It will help.

… oh jeese! I’ve gone right off tangent. Back to having time … THE BEST THING about the holidays for me is having quality time with friends (looking forward to seeing some faves next week .. the champers is chilling already – ok so it might be prosecco but the important thing is we’re going to celebrate life and friendship!) but also family (OK so I don’t have many members left) but I get to spend loads of time with my hubbie – without whom I’d be lost. I only need to ask myself who the first person is I want to share good/bad news with and the importance of him in my life is brought to the fore and that is why I am having a self-imposed Twitter and blogging break for the next few days. We’re off … up North … we have some vague plans but it will involve lots of reading, walking, eating, writing for me and golfing for him. On that note adios amigos – see you on the other side.

I will be back. Back with a vengeance.