I tweeted the above yesterday having just walked out of school on my last day … and now, having reflected on it, I think it needs to be edited … the emotions involved in changing schools is very much never talked about. I remember my first move and the whole thing knocked me for six. It’s almost an unwritten rule that no one discusses how tough changing schools is … so I suppose I’m lucky in that I know what to expect but its still tough and so, if this helps reassure just one person its worth taking the time to “bare my soul”.

Before I waflle about what to expect … indulge me. Having a day in lieu meant that instead of working tomorrow (Friday) I was allowed to leave on Wednesday (I work for Pearson on Thursdays) which suited me down to the ground … I can’t bear the thought of making people uncomfortable when I inevitably look disappointed (I don’t mean to but guess I have one of those faces!) when I open a gift … I’ve never known what to say when people give me things! I’d also asked for donations to go to a Dementia charity too as I don’t need or want anything. (Yes … I was that blunt! … the words I actually used to my team was that I didn’t need any more useless tat in my house!) but they gave me some anyway along with a bottle of champagne (it’s gone in my bag (the “tat” not the Champagne!) for September to go on my desk … thanks H I love it!)

Additionally I’d made it very clear that I didn’t want the whole leaving speech as I’m uncomfortable with those kind of things. Other teachers are desperate to get out and no one wants to listen to self-congratulatory speeches if we are brutally honest … when Seager and I left our first school together,  he (and I suspect the rest of the maths dept) were worried about what I’d say as my leaving speech … it went like this :

“I am going to give you all a gift …. (at which point I could see the look of panic on Seagers face as I’d declined to let him know what my speech was going to be about!)

…. a gift of time. I’m giving you back the 10 minutes I could’ve used. So just Thank you and bye!” and I sat back down.

I still chuckle when I think about it.

Anyway … back to yesterday. Our headteacher asked me to go down to his office at break and I walked in to Simply the Best by Tina Turner, we had a little funny dance (shhhh!! Seager didn’t get a dance when he left at Christmas and says that he’s going to have to have words!) and Nick said some lovely things. Hopefully I said some nice things back too … reflecting on what we’ve achieved in that moment it dawned on me that when you’re faced with a department that had to essentially start from scratch and behaviour wasn’t where it should be you can’t see the little successes along the way. You’re in the muck and bullets and its only when you climb out the other side that you realise what you’ve been through. It’s been ace! Not all of it but the achievements massively outweigh the bad times. I’m grateful that the school was part of my journey to wherever I’m going.

So whats the point of this post Mel? the point is that I know how this goes and so I also know what to expect.  Leaving at the end of a year is quite weird because the “new” doesnt start for what feels like ages and there is almost a period of being in limbo. A period where you no longer belong in one place, but also don’t yet belong anywhere else. There is a point where you mourn the good things about the school you’re leaving and you’re concerned about what is to come. The summer holidays feel like a wasteland where you swing from feeling remorseful about making the decision to leave to being excited, scared, anxious etc about what is to come that you end up not enjoying the holidays and at the most extreme you may not take  the time to relax which is essential as a teacher.

All of this is normal.

Remind yourself why you made the decision to apply for your new position so many months ago … by all means take a moment to be sad about the people you’re leaving behind but they aren’t dead (or at least I hope I havent dropped a bollock there! apologies if I have!), they are just in another school and if they are friends (rather than just colleagues) they’ll stay in touch. Keep reminding yourself that you are about to embark on an adventure … yes the unknown can be scarey but you’ll be suprised how quickly those unknowns become knowns. There is little point in overthinking what is yet to happen … as my Mam would say “Worry is like a rocking horse … it goes up and down and gets you nowhere” .

Stop. Enjoy the holidays. You’ll need your “A-game” in September!

So I’ll leave you with my updated book analogy,